So
Jeremy-Sheer has graciously given me an idea for a blog.
His question (to paraphrase) is why do girls have close guy friends, who they are unwilling to date.
So...just as a little disclaimer, this question really should be tackled on an individual basis as each girl will have her different reasons, concerning each different guy. SO! I'm going to go through a few of the guy friends that I've had and explain why I didn't go out with them, although they were very good friends of mine.
Reason 1: You never asked me out.If a guy doesn't have the guts to ask me out, then I most certainly will not be going out him. I've had guys tell me they like me, and then stare blankly at me...as if waiting for me to jump up and down with excitement and declare my love for them. As mean as it may sound, whether I like you or not, really isn't the issue at this point, it's whether or not you will ask me out, and after asking me out, ask my father for his blessing.
The reason behind this is really quite simple: I don't want to date a wimp.
I want to date a guy who is strong, and confident. Asking me (and subsequently my father for his blessing) shows that a guy has at least a little bit of both.
(I imagine guys don't ask girls out unless they're expecting a yes...which follows, if you're expecting me to say no, why tell me? Although one may argue that they were at least brave..bravery and intelligence are different and I want both in a man...)
Reason 2: You're not ChristianI actually liked a guy once, who wasn't Christian, and he liked me too. And once we had established this, I firmly told him not to ask me out. When he asked why, I said because I was Christian (which he already knew, we had already discussed religion) and therefore wouldn't want to date someone who wasn't Christian (if you would like more on this, please let me know). He was extremely nice, and asked if I would mind if he came to church once to at least see what I believed. When I told him that even if he DID become Christian, I wouldn't be dating him for at least a year, he said that was fine, but that he liked me and wanted to know what I believed. We didn't end up dating, but he was really nice, and asked my permission before asking a girl 4 months later
to be his girlfriend.
Reason 3: I don't want a boyfriend.This one was usually the reason I gave, seeing as how I decided that I didn't want a boyfriend till I was out of high school (my parents said I could start dating when I was 16 if I wanted). I decided this because I saw what horrid relationships my friends were in and how harmful it was to both parties, and therefore didn't want to have any part of that. Ironically, I started dating the summer after I graduated from gr. 12.
Reason 4: You're not boyfriend material.I have a lot of guys that I'm great friends with, but who simply aren't boyfriend material. By boyfriend material, I mean marriage material, because I personally don't see the point of dating except to find out if said person is who I want to marry, that doesn't mean I'm going to end up marrying them, but that is the point of us dating. If either of us should feel that we would not like to be married to the other, then the relationship is off.
It's the same idea as what one of my youth leaders told me: Be the girl that he takes home to show his mother, not the one that he just has fun with.
In the same way: Be the guy I'm going to take home and who my father (and my brothers) approve of, not some guy that I'm going to hang out with, but I know that my father (and brothers) would never want me to date
Reason 5: I asked if you liked me, and you said no.I had a friend who I was amazing friends with, and who was just awesome. However, a few months into our friendship, I suspected that he might like me, and when I asked him about it he said no. So being the naive little girl I am (hah! It was gr. 12) I believed him and continued on with my life. Only to find out later that he DID like me, (I found out when he asked me out), but out of respect for reason 3 had waited until I graduated from Gr. 12.
Reason 6: I'm always helping you / You've had too many girlfriendsOk this two are together because usually I'm helping them get over their exes, but not always, so they're kinda different. In any case, if you've had a bunch of exes (and I mean like 5 by gr. 12) and I've known all 5 of them (which for me, meant that you went through 5 in 2 years since I did HS in two different countries) then clearly something is wrong. Whether that be that you always pick the wrong girl (in which case you wouldn't be liking me =P) or you just aren't ready for a relationship, and why would I want to be the next person whose heart you break, or who breaks your heart anyways?
And if I'm always helping you, then you've probably created a sense of dependency on me at least with whatever I was helping you with, and I don't want to start a relationship with a sense of dependency, and me having to be the strong one.
Reason 7: You're TOO/NOT ChineseLet me start off with saying that I am not racist, and that the reason for this is really out of respect for my parents. They would RATHER I date someone who is of asian descent, however ULTIMATELY all that matters to them is that he is Christian. The reason for this is because they say that it would MINIMIZE (not get rid off) some problems in a marriage: ex. holidays (CNY for example), food, cultural values etc
Ok this is just me personally, but I want to date someone who is whitewashed Chinese, simply for cultural reasons. If you're NOT Chinese, and you've been adequately exposed to Chinese (well for me specifically, Singaporean-Malaysian) culture, then fine =) If you're TOO Chinese then I won't want to date you because it probably means that your parents speak Chinese, and very little English. I don't speak Chinese and would like very much to communicate with my future in-laws.
(Ironically enough: all the guys I liked were white, except for my bf now who is 1/2)
And I can't really think of anything else right now for me personally...about why I've said no to friends who have asked me out...
If anyone has any other reasons, please feel free to add them =)
